6th Oct 2020

3 min readOct 6, 2020

MyDiary. Today -> 6th Oct 2020

Do you really believe that I have been waiting for him since 25th Sept? If I read this as a third person’s diary I would have not believed that this girl is waiting for him so hard. You have a reason to not to believe me, but I have proof, I don’t know why I am still waiting for him. He didn’t call me or say anything about our next move.

Now it’s 10days since he told me he will call me. First 3 days I have been asking him how his fever is, how he is feeling, etc. I never got an immediate response lets say, but very late like after 12–14hrs later I got the response. I was thinking he is not well plus he has to take care of himself, so I shouldn’t be blaming him for not getting in touch with me.

Next 3 days were just good nights and good mornings, which I hate the most. After that I felt like waiting for him to respond, instead of me pinging him all the time.

I pinged one day and asked, if he had anything to discuss with me, waited for 2 days no response. It’s like he didn’t read that msg, I sent one forward message after 2 days and he replied to that forward as it was funny, but not to my other question. What should I do now?

Nowadays I am awakening with the bad rage, pain and sadness. Should I call him and blast? Should I wait for him to come back? Should I msg him? It took almost 8hrs for me to decide what to do. Finally yesterday evening I called him. As everyday I have thought of what to talk and how to. For my shock he didn’t receive my call. I dropped a msg saying, give me a call whenever you see this msg. That msg is unread till now.

I don’t know what is stopping him from getting in contact with me and also I don’t know what is stopping me from moving on. If you like someone, you will start thinking of all possible ways about him for not getting in contact with you and all that are in favor of you. I never blamed him, I feel there is some strong reason for him to not to contact me. I everytime wish to know what is bothering him so much?

Is he thinking so much to say ‘NO’ or is he really thinking so hard to say ‘YES’? I don’t want to make a move, if he is thinking 60% about saying no and 40% of saying yes, this line has an inner meaning, he is thinking more to say no, which means he has more points to say yes than no. So if I make any move and what if that move added values to say no? I don’t want to take that risk. I won’t mind waiting a month more, instead regret for life.

Coming to the point he is busy, I am not sitting ideal here, even I am busy. Still I make time to open my phone just to check if he is online, he will be online for more than half hour or one everyday, and he doesn’t have a minute to see my msg or reply to me. I hardly use my phone. I used only to talk to my parents and friends. I dont really enjoy browsing facebook or insta. I don’t have a habit of chatting, my battery will drain by the end of the day, reason being I keep opening my phone every now and then to check if he is online. It’s so foolish of me. I can’t let it go. I want to hear from him that we can’t be together, I don’t want to assume things without him saying so.